Dreams about “Using” by Chris S.

Chris S. is a staff member who gives support and direction to some of the men who live with him at one of our facility houses.

You would think that after 9 ½ years of sobriety that the “using dreams” would stop. That just isn’t so.

I have had easy to go with dreams where I’m just drinking a little. I have had some that were so bad that when I woke up I actually did an urinalysis test on myself to make sure that my sobriety hasn’t changed. The worst one of all was when I woke up I had used. Then I woke up from that one. A dream within a dream. Scary? Yes, it can be so.

My most recent one happens where I am getting fired from my job by a boss I had about 15 years ago. A girlfriend I had about 25 years ago had had enough of me. All I could think about was I just paid rent so I had a month to come up with rent money. I also had tools that I could pawn so I could go get more liquor. It was amazing that I remembered what I thought about in this dream. That was the way my life used to be like.

I shared this one with the residents in my house. They also have had “using dreams.” This is typical with new sobriety. Waking up in a sweat then realizing I’m in my bed. What a relief. I know I may never stop having these dreams, but I am glad that they don’t happen as often as they used to.

I do usually sleep pretty well at night. It is a grateful feeling to wake up from theses dreams and find out it was only a dream. My sobriety has to come first. It is nice to see relics of my past to remind me where I come from and where I can end up again.

Some would and could call these nightmares. I would rather call them visions of a past life that I no longer live and would like to keep it that way. It reminds me of things I need to do to stay that way also.

– Chris S.