REAL RECOVERY with Gina F - The Roots of Discontent

So thus far we have discussed (in the Morning Meditation blog entries) that

• we need a higher power
• we are delusional
• we are control freaks (!)

The Big Book of AA book labels us self-centered and ego-centric. Then it goes on to use many metaphors to describe our alcoholic brethren (pages 61-62), including:

• a retired business man who “lolls in the Florida sunshine, complaining of the sad state of the nation"
  
• a minister who "sighs over the sin of the twentieth century"
  
• politicians and reformers who "are sure all would be utopia if the world would only behave
• the safecracker who "thinks society has wronged him"

 

These are examples of how the Big Book describes "the alcoholic, who has lost all and who is locked up."

 

What do all these people have in common ? All of them are just sitting around wring their hands and blaming others for their fate and the fate of the nation. How ever much we protest and tell ourselves and each other what good we are trying to do aren’t we really concern about how it all is going to affect us? And than aren’t we full of resentment and self pity when it doesn’t go according to our plan?

 

Again, selfishness and self centeredness is what we think is the root of our troubles.

The Bottle is Only a Symbol...

What? I though drugs and alcohol were the problem now the book is telling me I am the problem? My selfishness? How does that work? The book uses some interesting words to explain this.  I don’t believe that the words that were chosen were used by mistake - I think that they were carefully thought out. Take a look at the word "root:" def:  the fundamental cause, basis, or essence of something, or the source from which something derives.

The Roots of Discontent

So, my selfishness is the root of my alcoholism, and it is driven by (as the book points out) “ a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion ,self-seeking and self-pity.”

How often have we picked up that drink because we were afraid of what we felt, whether it was anger, frustration, resentment or happiness? How often did we pick up the drink so we could wallow in self-pity, and even still how often did we pick up that first drink when we just wanted to change the way we felt at the time.?

So, maybe the drinking isn’t the problem after all, maybe it IS me!! Maybe it is me being selfish because I want to feel good NOW!!   And I will do anything and hurt anybody who stands in my way. Being that we are just worried about ourselves we carelessly go through life making sure that all of OUR needs and OUR wants are met ,not giving a damn who we hurt along the way.   

We go through life hurting people, totally unaware that we are doing it because we are so worried about ourselves that when someone does something that hurts us we are shocked, surprised and puzzled. We ask ourselves “what did I ever do to them?”

Returning to the text it says “ We step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation." We invariably find that at sometime in the past we made a decision based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt. If we are truly honest with ourselves we will see how all of our decision placed us in a position to be hurt. That we did something first to make someone else react to us.  The book says that we "must get rid of this selfishness or it will kill us" (Must and will  - there’s that strong language again).

So again the book points out that “are troubles we think are basically of our own making, they arise out of ourselves and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self will run riot thought we usually don’t think so” what is that trying to tell us? That over and over again we alcoholic put ourselves in situation, through our own decision making process that leads to unhappiness, ours and the people around us. Because we run on self will driven my our own selfish motives. So how do we get rid of this selfishness? The book says “God makes that possible and there is often no way of entirely getting rid of it without his aid” So now God comes in and this is where people start to balk. They claim to know God, they have been good church going members, they prayed but it hasn’t worked for them so far. Or is it that they haven’t WORKED for it so far. God doesn’t move parked cars, we need to get in and turn the key. If you remember the ABC’s , C said “God could and would IF he were SOUGHT“. That means we need to take action. The book continues to tell us the first thing we need to do is “quit playing God. It didn’t work” Two things I heard from my sponsor at this point. There is a God and your not it! And the difference between me and God is he doesn’t go around pretending to be me all day nor does he want to! So we need to completely let go and let God as the saying goes. He is the Director, he is the principal, he is the Father, in other words, he is in charge NOT us. Reading on farther the book states that “most good ideas are simple and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we pass to freedom. What?? How many time have we read that and just kept going? Keystone? Arch? What concept? Ok I get “most good idea are simple” So keep it simple. But what concept are they talking about? Well if God is going to be our Director. Our principal, our Farther those are all role of leadership and guidance. So the concept they must be talking about is the 3rd step. Made a decision to turn our will and our life over to God as we understood him. This the book states is the keystone. What’s a keystone you say?

1. central stone in arch: the wedge-shaped stone at the highest point of an arch that locks the others in place

2. supporting element: something on which other interrelated things depend

Alliances are the keystone of a country's security.

Wow that makes it sound pretty important, so if without that keystone in place or that “ decision to turn our will and our life over to God” we can’t build an arch to pass through to freedom. Because without the keystone the arch will not stay up. Sounds like coming into treatment getting a sponsor, going to meetings, doing all the right things but not really surrendering to the program of AA and than we relapse or your arch crumbles if you will. Because you didn’t do the inside work, you are still relying on yourself and not God.

What is this freedom the book is talking about? Freedom from what? Freedom from self. Freedom of that miserable condition of always thinking about ourselves. Freedom from what’s in it for me? and to start thinking about someone else. The book continues to say that if we sincerely and truly take such a position we have a new Employer=God, that’s he is all powerful and that he provides for us what we need, not what we want or what we think we need, just what he see we need. if we stay close to him and perform his work well. How do we know what is God’s work? It’s outlined in the first 164 page of the big book, working with other alcoholics and being of service is two of the big ones

The book says that if we start to do that, start thinking of what we can do for others we will become less interested in our own little lives and we will see what we can contribute instead. By contributing to life and not constantly taking from life our own lives begin to change. The mediation claims that we will become more connected with our higher power, we will begin to lose fear of living and we will be reborn, if we will be reborn that that mean that some part of us was dead perhaps, spiritually, emotionally, and physically broken.

This bring us to the 3rd step pray. Saying this each morning to a God of our own understanding. God I offer myself to three, to build with me and do with and to do with me as Thou wilt. So we start by saying that we are freely giving ourselves over to God that he can do whatever he wants with us. Relieve me from the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Help me to quit thinking about myself so much so I can focus on what you want me to do. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love and Thy way of life, May I do Thy will always! Let other see that I solved my problems or walked through my problems with your help, that through you all things are possible. May I always live according to your plans.



We thought well the book says ,making sure we were ready : to at last abandon (renounce something: to renounce or reject something previously done or used) ourselves utterly (completely: in an extreme or complete way) to him.

- Gina F.