Changing Perception by Jay Rau

Recovery is so much more than not using your drug of choice. It has to do with changing everything about your whole self. You must change the false beliefs that you hold about yourself and completely change your entire perception. You have to dig down deep into the very truth of who you are and change the ways you see things.

For many years I felt unworthy and that I did not match up to others. I had very low self esteem and became the class clown in order to get attention. We (addicts) all play the part of someone or something else. We go through life wearing a mask because we don’t know who we are and were afraid to find out. I wore a mask of the jokester while in my addiction and a mask of perfection in my first years of sobriety. When I was in my addiction I played the clown so I could mess up and make a joke of it. Then later when I played the perfectionist I did not want anyone to know that I made mistakes; I didn’t like to be corrected. And if I was caught making mistakes I would get angry at you for catching me. How dare you see me without my mask!

Today, after a lot of truth-seeking, I’m okay with myself. Today I love who I have become so therefore I am okay with others. It’s okay for me to make a mistake, but I need to be totally honest with myself and admit I made a mistake. That is the difficult part, but well worth it. I’m far from perfect and that is okay too, it sure takes the pressure off.

I see so many things differently now. I’m okay with my long troubled life because that rough road I went down made me who I am today. The universe let me go down that road I traveled so I may save lives today.

To help you understand how much my perception has changed in sobriety I have a profound question that I ask the clients at Sober Living By The Sea. I ask: “Have you hugged your snitch today?” I ask this because many people complain about the person who got them in trouble or sent here. I tell them that the informant that had me placed in prison had saved my life. I tell them that I am looking for this person through the internet so I may one day hug him and thank him for saving my life. How could I be angry at such a life altering change? This is a taste of what I teach at Sober Living By The Sea’s Intensive Outpatient Program has to offer..

So if you are looking at life with side blinders on and can’t see the whole picture you are cheating yourself out of a happy life. Is the glass half empty or half full? Be thankful for each and every breath you take. Somewhere someplace someone had just taken their last breath.

So, to end with one more cliché: when handed a pile of sour lemons add a lot of sugar and some water and make lemonade. Then sit back and enjoy the taste. 

- Jay Rau