Great Recovery Story - "Hindsight is 20-20" - Staff Member Blog

Well hindsight is 20/20 and lessons in life can sure be expensive even though my intentions and my family's were good. See, when my father first realized I had an alcohol and a drug problem after my first DUI, he played the part of the "good father" and spent plenty of money at the problem. My father investigated the best possible treatment for me. My father arranged to have an addictionologist examine me and had many other doctors and nurses see to my physical needs. I was deemed to be "healthy" in a short time.  My lawyer and my doctor went to court for me and they were able to get me off with no jail time.

I was eager to get on with my life. I felt like those darn doctors tried to put a monkey wrench in my plans. Being 16 years old it was obvious to me that the doctors had mis-diagnosed me. They recommended that I go to an extended care treatment program.

I could see that my father was considering the treatment that had been recommended to me. Being the survivor that I am, I threw one of the most amazing temper tantrums I could throw and it worked -  as long as I promised to get it together. That was one of many lies I would tell.

Looking back it is amazing that I would give a car mechanic more respect than doctors that had spent so many years specializing in addiction. We paid those doctors tens of thousands of dollars for their care and recommendations and then totally disregarded everything they were saying. I now can see, it was insane. I was determined to do life my way. Of course,  hindsight is 20/20

I can see now that they were trying to get in the way of me self medicating. Oblivion worked for a long time although the wreckage was astronomical.

When I was 12 or 13 my father had me put in an adolescent ward for behavioral reasons (drinking and smoking pot). I know I did not like that because I ran away 3 times. My dad's chauffer AJ would find me or I would call and AJ would come and pick me up every time.

So when they asked me to go to long term treatment, I was simply not having it. I was still young enough and I knew that my dad "loved me enough" (he was in denial as well) that he would give me another chance. By the time I was 17, I had been to 2 different treatment centers and had been kicked out of 5 different private schools. My dad loved me and believed that I could change. My brothers and sisters were doing well in life. He did not know I had my mother's genes. She died of alcoholism when I was 5. She had 4 beautiful kids, plenty of money in the bank, a house that was paid for, a maid, and a gardner, I know now she did not sit in her room and drink herself to death on purpose.  She had untreated alcoholism – and the means to drink around the clock, it was only a matter of time. Looking back now I fully understand.

And there I was a raging alcoholic at 17 years old and my family of enablers to help me get my next drink or drug that also blew off the doctors recommendations with the hope I would magically get better. I really meant the things I said. And each time I really felt all I needed was one more chance, I swore I would be good.

I have experienced enough that if you understood what I had been through, l think it would save you from every form of denial and experimentation.

In years past, I would get in enough trouble and I would agree to go to treatment again.  In the 80’s the selections for treatment were much fewer than they are now.  In a lot of cases treatment was more expensive as well.  Several treatment episodes cost my family $30,000 for a 30 day stay. Extended care programs were nowhere to be found and halfway houses were for parolees or at least I thought.

All the while my father and I were trying geographical cures. Sometimes my Father would buy me a condo and see that I was set up with a car and money. The plan was always to get a job or go back to school. The problem was that "wherever I went, there I was."  In a short time, I would get arrested or have other reasons to leave that city pronto and he kept enabling me.

For a lot of years I knew he would pay me – just not to come home. So, as I was "on the road" my choices for recovery began to cost less and less. I guess I thought I was saving him money, I would make deals with my father and a lot of them I really meant. My problem was I had a serious untreated disease called addiction, the only disease that tricks you into thinking you don't have the disease.

As I got older I would attempt the extended cares and recovery homes, rarely making it more then a few weeks. One time I made it 6 months sober - I was not working a program though. I was gambling and eventually got drunk again, I spent time in Europe and Africa drunk. There is a paragraph in the Alcoholics Anonymous book that read – “ Half measures availed us nothing” and that is what my life was a series of -  half measures.

I was always calling the shots and running the show.  I was always convincing my loved ones that "this time it would be different."  It never was though, eventually my father died and at the time I was 10 months sober.  We had not talked in months.  I went to the viewing in Newport R.I. and then flew back to California where in a short time I lost it and began a series of bottoms that were horrendous -  each one lower and more devastating then the rest. My step mother and older brother and my father's partner made sure I was left out of my father's will. They tricked me into signing off when I was homeless. Their addictions do not involve alcohol or drugs. There are other kinds of addictions - power, property and prestige. By taking advantage of me when I was homeless they helped open the final door that led to my new life: Happy, Joyous and Free

Turning My Life Around

Hindsight being 20/20 I now realize that my father helped me most when he died. Because in my case – he had to die in order for me to start growing up.

I began frequenting local indigent detoxes. There, my perception of the world slowly but surely changed.  These people were helping me, and lord knows not for the money (there was none).  I can assure you that it was not for any wisdom or great character or pleasant attitude I had.

I was a spoiled rotten homeless guy with a really bad attitude, and I did not get sober and live happily ever after.  I still  had to go out and relapse and go to jail. For several more years though the people in the detoxes kept taking me back and cleaning me up and feeding me.  They gave me clothes to wear and rides to meetings. Slowly but surely I was forming my own identity. And my perception was changing...

On October 4th 2003 I was arrested I pray for the last time, I still do not talk to my family

Slowly but surely I have obtained a new family through work,  meetings, and sponsorship. I have a sponsor today I speak to almost daily. I am redoing the steps with him and am currently on step 8. My life is still filled with challenges, I do not call them problems – and if they are, they are quality problems. My house that my wife and I bought 5 years ago is in foreclosure, and my soon to be ex-wife now lives in Canada. I live with my 3 dogs and my cat. I work 40hrs plus a week at Sober Living by the Sea. I have a couple thousand dollars in the bank, and get scared at times until I remember how blessed I truly am.

In the almost 7 years of sobriety there have been over 1000 incidents that normally I would drink or use drugs over. Now everything is just kind of rolling off my back ( I have bad moments – I do not have bad days). I suit up and show up and take the next indicated steps. I know very little and my happiness is not gauged by money – cool cars or the such. What I really enjoy most is helping people. There is nothing sweeter than to see a young man or woman (or even a old man or old woman say),
"Wow, I think I can do this deal." I have learned not to get too excited, but as a matter fact, I know you can - if you're ready to surrender and get into action.

I guess the moral to this story is, when your paying a doctor thousands of dollars to give you advice, I suggest you take it, even if it does not make sense. It might save you 25 years of heart ache and countless headaches for everyone that comes near you.