"Usually The Last One to Find Out" - Kelly K Blog

If I only knew then what I knew now, I sure could have saved everyone especially myself a lot of heart ache and pain.

Better late then never I suppose, I really did not plan on being a alcoholic and drug addict. I feel kind of foolish now, because for a lot of years (over 20), I tried every which way to reserve my right to drink and drug.

I truly understand the words cunning, baffling, and powerful now, I tricked myself into believing it was bad luck or other peoples fault, I even had phantom pains or if they were real, they were probably withdrawal symptoms from either the alcohol or pills I sought.

As I sought lower companions  to drink and drug with, even these guys and gals began to cut me loose.   Each year as my quality of living became less and less, I told myself things were not so bad.

I remember one day after being called irresponsible by a homeless man, and thinking to myself, "maybe I am not as well as I think I am."

Well, it took me 20 years to get that far away from reality – and then I was blessed with a moment of clarity. Sad thing was – now I knew I was an alcoholic and addict, it was clear.

I then began a 10 year argument with myself, the police, my family, and different treatment facilities.  I was busy explaining why my case was different.

It was not until 10 years later  - on the other side of the country, when I had my second moment of clarity, right after being called irresponsible again by another completely different homeless man.

I realized 3 things now that allowed me to start the recovery process after 38 years

1) I am an alcoholic and drug addict

2) My case is not much different then anyone else

3) Recovery may take a while



- Kelly K.