An Alcoholic Who Recovered - Chris's Story Part 1

Something is not right when you are walking along a sidewalk, inside a park or around a neighborhood thinking, “That looks like a nice bush to sleep under tonight.” Of course it was not always that way. I had a nice house, a good job, a loving girlfriend and a couple of dollars in the bank. I didn’t know how to treat relationships, pay bills or keep a roof over my head.

I’ve been dual diagnosed with major depression and major anxiety. I couldn’t stop drinking once I got started. It got so bad that I was able to drink a fifth of vodka inside the supermarkets in about 6 to 7 minutes. I did not want to get busted for shoplifting. And I drank the good stuff, Popov. I always ended up in a hospital afterwards. I have had BAC levels of .459, .460 and a .516. I have been dead twice. Once a coroner came out to the bus stop I was found at and taped my body off. To this day I still don’t know how they revived me.

I have been so lonely I invited Mormons and Jehovah Witnesses into my home just to have someone to talk too. I have been so miserable I have taken my 30 day prescription of meds, drank straight vodka and slit my neck with a razor blade. I used to find the trap doors in the bottoms that had made other people quit drinking and using.

No willpower or knowledge could help me. Psychiatrists, psychologist, therapist, sponsors, recovery homes, friends and family could not keep me sober. Then the worse came. I was in a motel room and the person looking back at me in the mirror was not the person I grew up with.

That is when I surrendered or had a moment of clarity or whatever you want to call it, I told myself I will follow any direction given to me to stay clean and sober. I made my way to a recovery home. They gave me a 3”x5” card and was told to write the Third Step Prayer on it and put it in my wallet. Almost 9 ½ years later it is still in my wallet. 

No one told me to take it out yet. I had to get honest with myself. I had to help others and work the 12 steps in order because I was out of order. By following direction, no matter how ridiculous some of the direction may had seemed, something was happening. I was staying sober one day at a time. I would call my sponsor just to get through moments that I had never been able to go through before. Getting honest and looking at myself was not a pretty picture, but I had to see the bad I had done to replace it with good.

Next Entry: Chris's Story Part 2

Chris Swanberg is a beloved staff member of Sober Living by the Sea who leads by example. He gives the men and women who are in treatment at guidance about living a rewarding life in recovery as a result of practicing the steps of recovery that they are taught in our numerious treatment programs.