The Family Experience
By: Paige G, Clinical Outreach, For Information Call: 949-554-1114
So, I recently had the opportunity to sit on the family side of the table and search endlessly for the perfect treatment center for a sister that did NOT want to go to treatment at all. I have a renewed perspective of the panic, desperation, endless telephone calls, and mania that goes on when a family makes a decision that member needs to go to treatment. In our case, for anorexia, bulimia, alcohol and prescription pill abuse, and trauma…what a blow to take at one time! Not only that, but half the family wanted her in another state for treatment and the other half thought that she would be fine with IOP. Everyone was looking at me, and being in the field, they were asking advice and then not wanting hear my answers! Being, the classic codependent, I took it upon myself to find the best possible fit for my sister. So I called just about every program in the country, and became the ultimate crazed human being, running on adrenaline, fear, anger, sleep deprivation, and basically the feeling that no one else could do what I was capable of doing- the right thing. It is amazing when we become as stubborn and obstinate as our loved one who is refusing help and care!
Despite all of my best planning, the anger flying between family members, and the underlying fear that ran through us all for the safety of my sister, she left AMA from my perfect treatment center. I learned something here: trust in God, reach out for help, and turn it over to someone, not in the family, to find the best fit for a loved one. I was too close to the fire in this case, and I could have used a more sane voice helping me out.
I also learned some helpful tips for families that I would like to pass on:
1. Get on the same page- when an addict sees a weaker party, he or she will buddy up to them to get what they want; there can be no weakest link
2. Make a plan and stick with it.
3. Don’t tear each other down- there is a lot of fear that goes into planning the recovery of someone that you love, and everyone wants to do what they think is right; however, that does not mean everyone one else is wrong or that they don’t care as much about the addict as you do.
4. Help yourself - go to an Alanon meeting! Get a therapist! Go to family therapy! Expect that the addict is going to be putting in a lot of work on him or her self and you should too!
