From Clinician Tany DesLoover - Treatment Frequently Asked Questions - Families and Clients

Frequently asked questions - from family members
The most frequently asked question I get from families is, “When will my child, spouse, parent, express remorse for what they have put me/us through? I don’t hear any apologies”. This usually occurs after their family member has been here in treatment for a couple of weeks and in talking about how they are doing, or “coming along”. I explain that what they are talking about is “amends”, which are addressed in the 8th step of recovery. Currently, their recovering person is working on step 1, understanding that they are powerless over their substance of choice. That the 8th step may be months away. It’s helpful to remember and try to separate the person from the disease.

Frequently asked questions - from recovering client

The most frequently asked question I get from the family member in treatment is, “Why don’t they trust me? I’m in treatment aren’t I?” I ask them how long they have been using, and let them know that their family may not trust them until they have been sober as long as they were using. It takes time for them to learn to trust. They have been through an extraordinary ordeal, much of which of which the substance abuser does not even remember…!

Postscript
Recovery is a process and takes patience. Treatment is no panacea; Recovery is a journey for the whole family. It took a long time to get to treatment and it takes a while to put things back together again, or for the first time for some people. Remember that it is an illness, and like cancer, long term recovery works best if everyone is learning to take care of themselves with outside help.